There are days I hate my job. Today seemed to be one of those days.

I guess it started with last night at parent teacher conferences. Right at the beginning T's mom comes and guilts trip for kicking T out of drama. Telling me that I took something from T that she loved, and that telling a 15 year old that I don't want to hear their excuses isn't the way to handle it. I just kept my mouth shut. I think that was the good thing, but it was hard. She wasn't going to do much if she was unwilling to work with others, others were afraid to work with her, she didn't know her part, and all she EVER gave me was excuses. It was never her fault (of course) and I guess I needed to fix everything. If drama was something she had loved that much then you'd think she'd have shown up with a good attitude, not missed a month, then had a month worth of excuses. Other parents were upset that my last grade was on the 21st. 7 days ago, true, but two days for a weekend, two days for easter break, and one day for a track meet. She's really only mad about maybe two days. These parents have instant access to their kids grades 24/7, I'm easily contacted through e-mail, and the year is over in three weeks. These are not new problems. How dense can you be.

So, I didn't get home until 8:45 last night. Passed out around 9:30 and was back at work by 7:20. Keeping in mind that I don't get off hours. I teach every hour of every day. I'm buried under lesson plans, grading, prom is this week, the drama kids have lost focus, teachers are losing jobs, and my mentor is in the hospital with cancer. I tried to go outside and run around a little bit, after ten minutes I was sweating, could hardly breath, and was dieing. I felt completely out of shape. I'm just not a happy camper. I've walked a lot of it out, but when one of our performances gets shoved back (that we had planned months in advance), when our props still aren't done, and when I still have to take tables and crap off the stage, I'm just so sick of this crap. These kids have no work ethic, are either so lazy they are worthless or so damn dumb I have to watch them do anything. I'm just sick of this whole proccess. I'm hoping break will give me back some of my passion. But I'm so tired, so very very tired. I can hardly move. I'm exhausted all the time.

Break can't come soon enough.
Prayers for Mrs. Berens in the hospital.
Wish me luck on the play and my sanity.
I hope other great teachers had hard days like this, sometimes I don't feel like I'll be that great.
Later.

Almost play time and almost the end of my second year as a teacher. There have been two things bothering me lately. The first bugged me all weekend. The realization that I'm not as strong, quick, or athletic as I was in high school. I don't think it's my age catching up to me, but the fact that I have little opportunity for practice and staying with it. I'm lucky to get 5 thousand steps a day and I rarely get the chance to play games. I'm tired to the bone, my body is actually drained and I feel like I could curl up and sleep for a million years. I want to lay down and not get up for a week. I have nightmares about this play and lose sleep over it. So, I think I have a reason to play poorly or to feel weak. The other thing, it came up today, is that I might lose a lot of my older kids for the play next year. My lead actress said she was going to take music instead of drama, and the sophomore who did it for the first time said the same thing. I'm already going to lose my leading senior who will win Actor of The Year for the second year in a row (the kids voted) and I'm not sure I could stand to lose my best actress and the people who have the experience. I don't think I can make them be in the play, but it wouldn't help my sanity for all of my older kids to leave and me to be stuck with people who have never been a part of the process and kids who will fight with me (she will go nameless for now). I'm just worried about everything, I want this year to end and I want to not have to worry for a few months. Things have just been bad. People are losing their jobs, people are leaving for China, and there is drama everywhere. Doesn't help that I'm still coming home to a lonely apartment pissing money away rent and taxes freaking kicked my ass. I'm worried about money, I can't seem to find a book to keep my attention, I'm lonely as hell, I'm worried about the play, the basketball team, next year, I just want my brain to shut down. On top of everything else, parent teacher conferences tomorrow, and Carnival is on Saturday.

Positives:
1. We got our t-shirts ordered.
2. The rehearsal went really well.
3. Tomorrow should be an easy day.
4. We get to go home next weekend.
5. Only 4 weeks for seniors, 5 for everyone else.

Everything is going to be great. Lets finish this year. You know as well as I do that the pay off for the play comes when we perform once they get that taste they will want it again. Everything is going to be great.

Later.