Have heard nothing as far as jobs go. Looks like nothing . . . Shit I dont know what to do. Today was interesting with the AP classes. 1st period was very productive, had a solid discussion, connected the ideas to this world, it just seemed like an okay day and I wasnt completely satisfied, so I changed things up for 6th period. They had a fun class, we got to all the topics I wanted to get through, and we did a lot. I wish it would have been more productive, but it was fun. Both classes were good in their own ways, but I wish I could have combined the two. It was a start, the beginning of the next phase of teaching. I tried some stuff that didn't quite work all the way, but I still felt it was a good day. The AP kids however may have thought differently. Most of them had fun, but then it wasn't productive enough. I didnt challenge them enough. Fuck I dont know. Then some girl comes in and starts going on about how this other student teacher is so amazing. That pissed me off pretty good. I dont know. FUCK. I wish I was better. I dont know how much of it is my sucking and how much of it is Cordray being the best teacher in the school. Damn, whatever. Just improve, dont compare yourself to others. I'm not worried about the others, I'm worried about ME, get me good, get me going, I'll be an okay teacher, then I'll be a great teacher, then I'll be the best teacher, then I'll be Mr. Codray, then I'll be even better. One step at a time. This is a 20 year process, this is a career, not something you pick up in training like Wal-Mart. This is a career. You're doing just fine, just keep working at it.

Fingers crossed.
Wish me luck.
Later all.

Job Fair

Job Fair today. I had 8 interviews in 4 hours. I dont interview well, I get too nervous and excited, and I just kind of keep talking. I think my resume is pretty impressive, lots of experience mixed with some solid education. I got a few nibbles, a few people that might be interested. I looked at little, last ditch, no-where-villes. I dont know. I just keep thinking over the stupid things I said. Lots of the schools said I had done a good job and had done well with the interview. Like I said, I think three or four maybe interested. One school I am definitely out of. We ended the interview early and she was not pleased. Basically, she asked if I was willing to teach to the CSAP, the standardized test. While I do believe accountability for teachers is important, I dont believe that's where our focus in education should be. Lots of people were actually interested in my ability to coach. Several schools wrote that down. I also interviewed with a junior high only situation. Again, probably not the best candidate for the position, but I think I could do it, I enjoy the age group, I just dont enjoy the information we have to work with. Very simplistic and basic ideas. This was also a school for kids that needed help in their reading. I just dont have that kind of training. Still, some schools may give me a call back. I dont know.

I'm just questioning everything right now. Of course I had to deal with the people I didnt want to deal with. I just sw her from a far, but "these feelings dont go away, they're turning my sideways." Doesn't make things a whole lot easier. I also got to see some old friends, so it wasnt all bad. I'll tell you what though, I was on today. Telling jokes and talking to people. I was on top of my game today. Maybe there is that teacher side in me.

I'm still hoping for a teaching position. If one of those schools would call me up, I'd gladly take the position and be hapy for it. I'd struggle through my first years, get my feet under me, and become a great teacher. I'm just questioning things right now, and of course, one of those questions is my future. Am I ready to look beyond education and simply stick with the English side of things? Am I ready to go crazy and just sign with the Peace Corps? I just dont know. If I had a map of where I'm supposed to go, things would be way easier. Right now I'm just going with the flow. When something happens, hopefully I'll be able to tell.

Later all.

Gary's career

Student teaching is almost at an end. This will be week 14 of the 16 week Odyssey. I'll be teaching AP starting next week, and am planning to stay in at least another week after the 16. Tomorrow will be interesting. All honesty, I'm not completely prepared. I forgot my stuff at school and couldnt get back to get it. We're teaching the kids critical reading skills and I have the material and have looked at it, I would just like the opportunity to acquaint myself a little bit more. All should be well. If nothing else, I teach it to 2nd period first and they are the best class of the day. I have had some problems, sure, and am going through some crappy stuff. I get it, Gary's a better teacher than me. Wow, who'd of thought. It just gets old. I dont know, whatever. I'm going to be trying something this week. Pacing a class, going from one thing to the next, no down time, just moving continuously. That's the next thing I'll have to look at. The biggest question I have is how I'll act and set-up for the first day when I have my own room. How do I build my credibility, get the kids invested in the class, start to show I have their best interests in mind, and start setting up my expectations of a class. What amazes me is the amount of time everything takes. Gary says he didnt think he'd become a teacher until his third year, and didn't think he was any good until his eighth, then he didnt start teaching AP until his 15th. The last teacher I worked with was in her ninth, and she already believed she had made it and wasn't working to get any better. Gary continually works to get better. I think I'm working hard, I think I'm getting better, it's just so freaking hard. I mean, what if Mr. Martin had been replaced by a student teacher my Senior year? I think I can understand how the students feel. I dont like it, I dont agree with it, and it's freaking kicking my ass, but I can understand it. Damn, it just sucks. I know I'm better than most of the other student teachers I've worked with, but that doesnt matter. I can only compare myself to me. Am I getting better, Am I doing better, every teacher is different, they have their own identity and ideas, their own foibles and problems and issues. Gary tells me about a 6 year veteran who still has problems with class room control. I dont know. I'm getting better. I just need to keep working at it. 3 weeks left, but the learning has just begun. I still have lots of hard work and effort in front of me. I'm willing to put it in, I just dont know if I can. Haven't gotten any points of hiring, so I may not even be teaching next year. Honestly, the Peace Corps is starting to look a whole hell of a lot better. It'll get me the experience, get me a job, and let me see the world. I'm just scared, scared of leaving my home, leaving my country, scared of teaching English as a second language, scared. I dont know, still. I dont think I've been looking as hard as I could be for the jobs, like, I know I'm going to do this, like I want to force myself to do this. I dont know . . . Damn, I'm better than I've been for a long time, I'm a much better teacher, with a much better attitude and position. I dont know. I wish I knew where I stood with Gary. Right now I'm kind of going with the old adage. When you do bad, they'll tell you. When you do good, they dont say a word. There are a couple of things I need to make sure I keep doing.

1. Constantly adjust and change for each class, assess yourself and keep getting better.

2. Failure is not an option, that means something to me now.

3. Make sure all of my kids understand the material, informal assessments.

4. Be fair and consistent with grading. Even though not all students are equal, they need to be treated with fairness.

5. This is high school not college. It may not be a bad idea to consider . . . but right now, lets stick with these kids and have some fun now.

6. Keep thinking about that first year of teaching, how can we make it better.

7. Peace Corps . . . fight v flight . . . scared v opportunity . . .

8. Pace, keep the students working and doing something.

Teacher Work Sample is already done, so lets forget that crap, lets just get through the seminar junk, and lets just keep working hard.

3 years- realized how his class should work

5 years- realized he was a teacher

got out of it

8 years- realized he was good

11 years- started being recognized

15 years- started teaching AP

20 year veteran. Gary has taught for 20 years. Cut yourself some slack, keep working your butt off, and damnit, become the great teacher you know you can be.

Hell yeah.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Later all.