I've been here for about a month now. My room is all set-up. And I have Back-to-School night tonight. Excitement, terror, nerves, frustration, pick one and tack it on the board.

This place is different from anything else I've ever been apart of. The people are all nice, but they all know one another. I feel like since I have no ties here I'm out of the loop. Football practice started today, but I guess I'm not coaching football. I wasn't told or invited or anything. So I guess they don't want my help. And this isn't here for me to complain and get all down on my side. It's just frustrating. I'm trying to be a good coworker, but I feel at a disadvantage. I don't know if I should be professional and serious or goofy and crazy. I don't know if I can be goofy and crazy. I don't know if I should be. I think they are going to let me help with basketball, so that should be good. And this will help make sure that as a first year I'm not overwhelmed. I don't know.

I think I'm paranoid. I think the teacher in my position left suddenly and they didn't want to have to hire a new English teacher. I'm not sure they really want me here sometimes. I don't feel like I belong sometimes.

That's stupid. Here's how it is, reality check genius. First of all, you worked hard to get a job. You know how hard it was, you know the huge pool of candidates that were out there. Even if they didn't want a new guy, they Had to have one. There was a huge pool out there, you competed against the pool and swam as hard as you could. They hired you because they liked you and wanted you to be a part of the team. Get serious, these people are too busy to sit around and regret hiring you. They want you here, they like you. You need to relax.

Be the you you know you want to be. What do you have to loose? Honestly, you don't have a family depending on you. You don't have to completely support yourself just yet. You're just starting out, and frankly you've done a great job. Unless, after 22 years, you've suddenly turned into a liar and a jerk who really doesn't care about students nor English. I don't think so, dude. You just need to relax, be the you you want to be and let things happen. For cryin' out loud, you haven't fought anyone, you didn't ask when practice was, and Troy told you that there were a lot of people wanting to help out.

RELAX. Be yourself, chill. You worked your butt off to get where you are. Nobody gave you a hand, Nobody gave you a handout, Nobody did you any favors. Just relax, be yourself and keep chipping with these people. Once you go through something together, you will have ties in Burlington.

RELAX. You can do this. You were trained for this. You are capable and ready. Don't simply focus on the negative, take what it offers, and stay in the positive. YOU'RE OKAY.

I found a new(ish) show I like to watch. Avatar: The Last Airbender I went out and bought, like, the first two seasons. I found the writing witty and smart. I find the drawing gorgeous, the story intriguing, the characters loveable, and I really want to know what is going to happen to Ang, Sokka, and Kitara.

I started reading Conan and The Sorcerer. Everyone was impressed by the number of books I read this summer (close to 30 now) and hope I can get this one done in the first week of school.

Even if I don't get to do any coaching, I'll get to know the students in their work. They will love me because I am real, because I am every part of the spectrum. I not a jock, nor a nerd, nor a pep. I'm real, and they will respond and see that. I just need to show them that I care about them. If I can show them that in the first three days, then maybe I can earn their trust and we can have a good year.

YOU'RE OKAY.
Do your best.
The only failure is giving up.
Be yourself.
You Will Be Awesome.

Later.