My Aunt Judy died sometime this weekend. I just heard about it today. Death always seems odd to me. Like all of a sudden I'm on screen and need to be acting in just the right way at just the right moment. The slightest things make me feel bad. Like when I wanted to go for a walk. I was listening to music and when a song came on that wasn't sad I started to feel angry at myself. I dont really know how else to describe it other then I dont know how to act when someone dies. I feel like I should be crying non-stop, but I just dont feel that. It stinks, but for some reason I think her death was more of a happy event than her life. She had no one, no parents, no kids, no significant other of any kind. My dad had last seen her at surgery on Monday, and she hadnt spoken to her other brother in years. She lived in a shack with two or three dogs. Alone, and barely able to make ends meat. For a while it seemed like she was going to have to move in with my parents and become a burden on them. That is such a horrible thing to think. I am such a bad person. I'm going to go to hell for all of eternity . . . The one I really feel bad for is my dad. I hope he is okay . . . I wish I could be home with them right now. I dont know what I could do to make it better, but at least I could be with him when i'm sure he needs me. My sister is okay, and he loves my mom, but him and I have a special bond. I can be his son and his friend. But I cant, I have five more days of summer school. This week is it. Then i'll get to go home just in time for the funeral. I think my mom said she was going to try to put it off for the week. The other funerals I've been to have all been within a couple of days of the passing, but I guess they need to look into hers because of the recent surgery she just had. I just hope this week goes fast. My Paul McCartney tickets should be here soon, and I have a book coming in the mail anytime this week. I guess the moral here is that we should all reach out and find people in our life that will make us happy and that we want to spend our lives with. I'm the most depressing, lonely guy in the world, and I just hope that my life will be filled with people who care about me and will remember me when I am gone. I think working at a school will be the start of that, but now I wish I had someone to share my life with. Judy was incredibly sad in her life, and I just wish her passing finds her in a better place. Maybe she's with her parents again and, I think, is living out all the best moments of her life. That's what I think Heaven is. And when you're ready you get to be reborn as whatever you like. I hope she's happy, and no matter what happened in her life, I know she was a good person and tried really hard. She loved her dogs and took care of them as best she could, so whatever great and powerful being their is please forgive her and give her the eternity she deserves.

Judy Daniels
1954-2010

Later all.